"We Live Through Scars This Time"

I've had an interesting week.

I left my house early Saturday morning and hit play on my Ipod. Assuming that it was on my favourite playlist.

It wasn't. Le sigh.

It was on random shuffle. Every song a possibility.

I'd love to say I stopped and fixed it. But I'm very committed to just letting music be what it will be. Very zen. Very karmic.

Or simply too lazy to do anything about it. Choose option A if you want to remain friends.

So here's what played on my run, in the order they played.

Vertigo - U2

Need You Tonight - INXS

You Don't Love Me

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

Scars - James Bay

Never Thought That This Would Happen - the Arkells

Another Suitcase In Another Hall - Evita Soundtrack

Tubthumping- Chumbawumba

Begin Again - Taylor Swift

Defying Gravity - From Wicked - Idina Menzel

Beautiful Day - U2


Interesting choices, musical Gods. I bow to thee.


This last week I had many choices to make. As we all do every single day. What shirt to wear. What to have for breakfast. Which route to take to work.
Some of us have huge choices to make that effect millions of people. Other choices affect only ourselves.
Every choice we make defines us.
Actually, no - that's bullshit.
It's how we live with the choices that defines us. How we move forward, even when it's the hardest thing ever in life ever ever ever.

That is who we are. Not the sum total of a lifetime of choices, some good, some awful, some insignificant, some life changing.

I had choices to make this week. I didn't make all great ones. But maybe,for me, they were the right ones. I refuse to fault myself for doing the best that I can with what I had.

But I have the important stuff written down, cause I learned a few things.

- there are a few people in my life that look inside me and are never, ever afraid or repulsed. No matter what I throw at them, good or bad, they see perfectly imperfect me. I can see in their eyes that ALL OF ME has value and worth. There is no need to measure up. To them, Annie is just fine. My lesson: I need to start believing them.

-there are people in my life who barely look at me, allow me to feel unimportant and invisible. These people don't notice when I disappear. They don't see anything of me, because they don't bother to look. My lesson: I need to stop believing them.

-there are lots of people in between. My lesson: people will do what makes themselves happy, bottom line. It's time for me to do the same. To find a balance between taking care of others and taking care of myself. I didn't make a lot of change happen in the world for good last week from a hospital bed. I know I can be myself and not compromise my health. I just have to figure out how. It's worth it to me. I have lives to change and people to love.

I have made some craptastic choices lately. I'm sorry for that. But be forewarned. I will make craptastic choices again. LOTS of them. And, so, my friends will you.

Here I am. Scarred and beautiful. And choosing to live.

Whatever that means, let's do it together. With love.

I am however, never taking chances with my playlist again - what if it can tell the future?

Find Your CORE