Thursday, April 30, 2015

"But I've had it up to here. With the panic and the fear." Day 4of 26.2

No run today. No workout today. No ice cream today (yesterday I carb loaded with the sweet deliciousness of a vanilla strawberry cheesecake ice cream cup covered in Belgian milk chocolate).

Just a normal, busy work and be a Mum day.

Except I got this email from the Mississauga Marathon:

Bib Number: 552
Participant Name: Anne Tiffin
Event: Marathon

I am in - no turning back now. Yes, that noise is my knees knocking together. FEAR.

Actually, I was okay until I saw this:

Seriously? The red line - yeah. That's me. And 3,000+ of my new best friends.

I am very familiar with Mississauga, so sadly I can envision how far this is. Shit just got REAL.

Yes, that noise is me wailing. Loudly. TERROR.

Reality bites.

I have had a couple of very dark times in my life, when hit by a rare period of extreme depression and anxiety. When I am desperate and without hope it helps to remind myself of the people I have in my life. How every day I get up and bounce out of bed to hug my kids, laugh with my husband, text my besties and trot out to work, where I have the privilege of time spent with even more wonderful, joyful and inspiring people.
In my darkest moments I try to remind myself that I will miss out on these daily opportunities if I dwell there. I will miss the smiles, miss the laughter, miss the tears. And if you know me, you know I don't like to miss out on anything.

So at 20 + miles into this run (ack - so far!!)when I am certain that I cannot take another step forward, and want to give in to the pain, I have that evidence to draw from. I can. And I will. Eyes up, round with wonder. Determined not to miss even one single thing.

Find Your CORE

No comments:

Post a Comment