"I've Got To Go Home"

Today is my Dad's birthday. He is no longer with us, and my greatest fear is that I forget something important about him.
It feels so very wrong that he is gone, and even more wrong to let go of any single thing that I know about him. Forgeting,you see, is simply not an option.
This is his first birthday since he has passed, although 4 have gone by since he was incapacitated in soul, and mostly in body.It is, then, not his first birthday without him, but his lack of physical presence on this earth has certainly given me reason to stop each day, pause and remember.

Quite simply, I am a little less me without him. He loved me, and he was good at love, in his simple, silly, confused way. He did not understand me, but he didn't feel the need to. He liked me. He thought I was interesting and intelligent. We enjoyed lively discussion about ALL topics, and although he hated being wrong, he loved sharp tongued debate and clever wordplay. He thought I was beautiful and talented. He appreciated that I was a hard worker, and ambitious, and kind. And he thought I was I a good mother.

He TOLD ME these things. He took time to tell me what he thought of the person I was, and the actions I took. Sometimes I didn't want to hear, but he told me anyway. And even when he thought I was being an asshole he told me, and still loved me. Right that second even, while he was telling me I was an asshole.

No games. Just simple. And honest. My father's love for me.

So even though I know he won't be reading this, I want to share the commitment that I have made to myself to honour his birthday, his life, and his simple love.

I promise to:

-continue to take a moment every morning to speak his name aloud, and to close my eyes, breathe in, and hear the sound of his soft voice. I must remember his voice. It's one of my greatest fears that I will wake up one day and not be able to draw it to mind, so I practise hearing it still.
-to tell my children about him. Everything about him. The good, the bad and the ugly.
-to tell my children often about the things they need to hear. So that even though they will not remember his voice, they will hear it through me.
-to line up at midnight with my kids on December 18th, and be at the first showing of the new Star Wars movie.
-to find out where he lies now, and take something of him home, even if only his memory, to be in England again. To go home, on my own, and learn about my heritage and be where my heart pulls me so strongly.

To go home.

So I can listen, and maybe hear him once more.


Find your CORE

"All Types of People"

Hey you. Am I your type?

Your body type, that is...

We are all different shapes and sizes, this we know for certain, but there are different types of bodies and knowing where your body falls in line can be very helpful when determining how you should train and nourish yourself.

Some bodies gain muscle easily, some are more prone to retaining fat. Some people find it incredibly hard work to build muscle. All different - but scientifically, we do all fall into place on the following spectrum:

Or, another way of visualizing these three body types??

You're welcome, ladies.

To find out what body type you fall into - and a better description of the three body types than I can provide, check out www.bodybuiling.com and search body types quiz.


Knowledge is power, people. The more you know about your body, the better you can help it to function at it's best for a long time. Time is important, and movement for your body type helps utilize the time you spend working out wisely.

I did the test - I score somewhere between an ectomorph and a mesomorph.

What does that mean? Basically that I don't put on a tonne of muscle mass. I should lift weights. Heavy weights are good - since it takes some work for me to muscle up, and even then it is unlikely I would ever get "bulky". Moderate amounts of cardio recommended.

Moderate amounts of cardio. Isn't that like moderate amounts of ice cream??? Not a thing. But I understand the reasoning.

I utilize this information in all of my personal training programs, and would be glad to discuss what is optimal for you and your body type!

Knowledge is power. Know your body, and how best to move it. Move it. How best to move it. Move it.

Find Your CORE

"And Now I'm Swimming"

I have a new mantra this year.

"Why Not Me"

I'm a pretty brave chick for the most part, and take risks. Often, actually. Because I promised myself that there wasn't one single thing I wouldn't try. I refuse to let fear stop me from living, even for a second.

I realised this year that I might have subconsciously found a loophole.

I **may** have bypassed an experience or two. Not because I was afraid to try, but afraid to try and risk failing.

Before even taking the step, I sometimes convince myself that I don't measure up. So I take the opportunity off the table.

So upon recognizing this silliness I have spent much time this year repeating,"why not me" when presented with opportunities that I thought were totally beyond my reach.

Those three words terrify me and I often hate myself for trotting them out. Unfortunately they are often closely followed by discomfort, hard work and a lot of prayer.

It's reasonably easy to take a big plunge when you only focus on the first sensation - fear. But after you take the first step off the ledge the realization sets in. It's sink or swim. Do you turn back to shore? Or head out to the unknown. The possibility. Because. Why not me?

Looking at a beautiful athletic woman ahead of me in a race last spring....I wanted to run like her. I wanted so badly to keep up with her. To fly along like she was.

Why not me?

It was terrifying. I did NOT want to try and then be unable to maintain. She was clearly a runner. She was clearly a strong runner. I have my pace, I'm good. Go ahead, strong runner girl. Godspeed.

Why not me?

Because....she's faster than me.

Why not me?

Because she's stronger than me.

Why not me?

Because ..... I don't really know really. I guess I could try.

Why not me?

No reason why, actually. None at all.

It hurt to keep up with her. It required an incredible amount of effort, already an hour into the run. So much hard work. Much much easier to have enjoyed the pace I had prepared for. I'm pretty sure there was some heavy negotiating happening with the running Gods about lactic acid threshold and glycogen stores. I did eventually settle in comfortably. And I did indeed finish with my "rabbit" close by. And it was worth it.

Not life changing, one run, I know. But a little bit of proof that working extra hard and pushing through my limits can open up possibilities I never dreamed of. Even if I don't achieve what I set out for. No excuses. The effort was made. Why not me.

There have been some huge victories for me this year. All unexpected. All because I took a big leap and then swam like hell.

Why not me?

And, come to think about it...next time something crosses your path that makes you go "hmmmmmm... I wonder......" :

Why. Not. You.

Find your CORE

"Music Makes The People Come Together"

This time last Saturday I was headed downtown Toronto.

I LOVE TORONTO. It is so very alive. And tall. There is a rhythm to Toronto, a steady pulsing beat.

So, I was excited. We wandered around the beautiful Distillery District, a first for my friends and I, and got to experience a new and entirely charming and unique part of the city. After cocktails and dinner, I changed in a parking lot. What?!?! You know I'm a fitness superhero, right? No one saw a thing.

We headed to our main purpose of the day. An outdoor concert.

The last time I went to an outdoor concert there was lots of young people, smoking (legal and illegal substances), copious amounts of alcohol, and a shared interest. Music.

We got there and realized that the line to enter literally snaked around the block, around another block, and ended a half marathon away. Huh. When WE went to outdoor concerts, WE always wandered in fashionably late. Lineups? Pfft.

The crowd was 60% young and nubile,40%.....other. There was smoking (legal and otherwise), there was copious amounts of alcohol, and there was music.

Once we found our spot (close to the stage!!) and our alcohol (copious amounts!) there was very little time wasted in transitioning to our younger selves. (Editors Note: This is a health blog, Annie - be careful what you disclose!) There was NO smoking (legal or otherwise). Sigh. I wore mini jean shorts (band-aids, actually) and a tank top, with flip flops. And though the music may be different, nothing else really was.

It was as close to time travel as we will likely ever come.

Giggling, singing and dancing, the crowd around us was quickly enlivened by our enthusiasm, so we drew them in and made the circle bigger. People that would normally have nothing in common all of a sudden has so many things to chat animatedly about. Age gaps melted away.

By the time the first note was played, we were in the thick of the closest, and possibly biggest and rowdiest, group of concert revelers.

It was, in a word, AMAZING.

We came together to hear.

We stood together to see.

We will remember, collectively, how we felt.

Together, we lived the experience.

Music.

It is the heartbeat of our souls.

It is the common thread that ties every human experience together.

It binds forever and creates connections that are virtually impossible to make any other way.


I run because I can't imagine myself any other way. Music reminds me that that is just fine.

Find Your CORE.

"Wallow"

I woke up this morning and got out of bed. Somedays lately this takes a Herculean effort. Physically and mentally, I would much, and I mean MUCH, rather stay in bed.

But I got out of bed. I got dressed. Brushed my teeth. Put my running shoes on. And stepped over 4 kids to go out my front door for my run.

Did a 7km run, with some speed intervals.

Had a cup of coffee and made breakfast for the 4 slumping zombies currently grunting around my home.

Dragged my butt downstairs, did an upper body workout and planked.

I'd still MUCH rather be in bed.

Guess who called me to check in to see if I got my workout in? Ate a healthy breakfast? Made the choices that help me be the cheery, productive person I almost always am?

No one.

In fact, no one has EVER asked, reminded, prodded, helped, motivated me to make these things happen. And despite this I rarely, if ever, let anything get in the way of making these important choices happen.

There are things that I must do everyday to ensure that I am healthy, functioning and ready to adult. I do them.

I may have lied a little. I do have some people who motivate me to get up, get moving and be the best version of myself I can manage:

Take 5 minutes today to figure out what will get you out the door. Do it. You're welcome.

Find Your CORE

"We Live Through Scars This Time"

I've had an interesting week.

I left my house early Saturday morning and hit play on my Ipod. Assuming that it was on my favourite playlist.

It wasn't. Le sigh.

It was on random shuffle. Every song a possibility.

I'd love to say I stopped and fixed it. But I'm very committed to just letting music be what it will be. Very zen. Very karmic.

Or simply too lazy to do anything about it. Choose option A if you want to remain friends.

So here's what played on my run, in the order they played.

Vertigo - U2

Need You Tonight - INXS

You Don't Love Me

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

Scars - James Bay

Never Thought That This Would Happen - the Arkells

Another Suitcase In Another Hall - Evita Soundtrack

Tubthumping- Chumbawumba

Begin Again - Taylor Swift

Defying Gravity - From Wicked - Idina Menzel

Beautiful Day - U2


Interesting choices, musical Gods. I bow to thee.


This last week I had many choices to make. As we all do every single day. What shirt to wear. What to have for breakfast. Which route to take to work.
Some of us have huge choices to make that effect millions of people. Other choices affect only ourselves.
Every choice we make defines us.
Actually, no - that's bullshit.
It's how we live with the choices that defines us. How we move forward, even when it's the hardest thing ever in life ever ever ever.

That is who we are. Not the sum total of a lifetime of choices, some good, some awful, some insignificant, some life changing.

I had choices to make this week. I didn't make all great ones. But maybe,for me, they were the right ones. I refuse to fault myself for doing the best that I can with what I had.

But I have the important stuff written down, cause I learned a few things.

- there are a few people in my life that look inside me and are never, ever afraid or repulsed. No matter what I throw at them, good or bad, they see perfectly imperfect me. I can see in their eyes that ALL OF ME has value and worth. There is no need to measure up. To them, Annie is just fine. My lesson: I need to start believing them.

-there are people in my life who barely look at me, allow me to feel unimportant and invisible. These people don't notice when I disappear. They don't see anything of me, because they don't bother to look. My lesson: I need to stop believing them.

-there are lots of people in between. My lesson: people will do what makes themselves happy, bottom line. It's time for me to do the same. To find a balance between taking care of others and taking care of myself. I didn't make a lot of change happen in the world for good last week from a hospital bed. I know I can be myself and not compromise my health. I just have to figure out how. It's worth it to me. I have lives to change and people to love.

I have made some craptastic choices lately. I'm sorry for that. But be forewarned. I will make craptastic choices again. LOTS of them. And, so, my friends will you.

Here I am. Scarred and beautiful. And choosing to live.

Whatever that means, let's do it together. With love.

I am however, never taking chances with my playlist again - what if it can tell the future?

Find Your CORE