"We Are Lost Together"

SO. I didn't finish my 10 days of 26.2.
I also haven't been blogging regularly.
AND
I realise that I haven't exactly been "On Topic" lately with this blog either. I'm sorry. I will, my three faithful readers, get back to business as usual. Soon.I promise. Probably.

I will have to admit that since I ran the Mississauga Marathon I have been a little..well...lost.
By lost I mean rudderless, purposeless maybe a little..useless? I'm struggling to find the right words. I have no goals, I have no future course. I have nothing to look forward to. I am a limp and less full version of myself. My joy has wandered out and window and remains elusively out of reach.

Ouch.

That was a depressing paragraph.

Not everything in my life has been going according to plan lately. This has been, to say the least, the most challenging period of my life in many ways. And until the last three weeks it has failed to dampen my enthusiasm for the beauty and blessings I have in my life. Because I have SO many things to look forward to, so many wonderful people in my world and am so very lucky. I have NOT.ONE.THING really to complain about. So, the whole Annie, she wouldn't complain.

Get tied on. She's not here today.

Ever noticed that weird coincidences occur when you need them the most?? Like, someone abandons a role in your life, and there, "poof" the right person is there to fill it. A person you never want to let go.
Maybe a Cola can with the name "Dad" on it appears on the day your Father passes away.
Perhaps a phone call from someone you've been thinking of.
When you need a good feel, the right song comes on the radio and stirs your soul. Music knows.

This shit happens to me ALL.THE.TIME.

I constantly find the right things to bring joy to my life. I look around and find, wide eyed and amazed, that sometimes before I have even questioned, I have answered.

But this lost feeling? Ugggghhhhh. I don't see this stuff anymore. Because it's not happening. Or I've stopped bothering to look.

Today I went to one of my favourite places. A happy place. Hoping to, I don't know really what I hoped. I just wanted to feel, for a few minutes, like myself.

It's a place where the sun shines through the trees and brushes my face like an old friend. I recognize the sounds and smells of it, and it feels like home. This place has it's own rhythm, it's own music. And I love it.

I always sit in the same spot. And see the same views. But it never fails to make my heart sing (and, embarrassingly, sometimes my voice. I've had people stumble upon me belting out some heartfelt melody. Poor, unsuspecting people).

I realised today that it was hard to lift my gaze. It hurt to look. The sun was TOO bright. So I tried to content myself with looking down. At a rock.

A rock. Grey, slabby, boring, predictable and blah.

OR

Grey, strong, reliable, majestic and....kinda amazing. How the waters part around it, it's foundation too strong to be swept away. That rock has been my totally ignored happy place partner for, well, a lot of years. I've smiled with it, cried with it, catnapped on it, sung with it, read on it, lamented the state of the world on it. And I now feel guilty a little that I've never acknowledged it. I know, it's a rock, but I'm going for a metaphor here. And I actually did feel guilty. Because, well, that's kind of a me thing.

So maybe, I thought, scuffing the bird poop off my new best friend with the toe of my shoe, maybe, I'm not so lost. I have a starting point. Truth be told I have my very own rock in my life. I hope beyond hope that I have never failed to see her, but if I have, she has been there anyway. My rock, in a stream, still and steadfast. My starting point.

Around this rock, this beautiful creature (hey, I have to make up for years of ignoring it, right??) has other, smaller perhaps, farther away, not quite so perfect for my purpose, rocks surrounding it. These rocks, when I take the time to look, connect and make an almost protective circle around me. Never saw those before either.

I realise, as I often do, that there is sometimes even without looking, coincidences too great to miss.

And that even when you can't look up, when the sun is too bright for your tired eyes, there is strength to be found.

A reminder sometimes when are lost, your rocks have been underfoot the whole time. Holding you up and guiding your way. Until you in turn are strong enough again to be a rock for others in your life. And in that, you will have found your way.

Find Your CORE