`And There Is A Light, Don`t Let It Go Out`

As I get older, I am finding out more and more about myself. It's such a cliche, that when we reach adulthood we "find ourselves". Or not.

I was never lost. So what is there to find?

I do,however,believe that there comes a time in everyone's life that you no longer are willing to compromise the parts of ourselves that are inherently true. Because we realize that the people in our lives will love us the way we are, or will move on.

I know alot about me. I've put up with my consistent inconsistencies for years now.

I realize, though, that there are times that I allow other's opinions of me to shape how I behave. So I have wavered between what I long to do, and what others have expected of me.

I have lived happily. But with wavering purpose.

Went for a run this morning with my bestie running wife. I love her. I love running. We headed out to Durham Forest, intrepid adventurers that we are, armed with gooey runner's "nutrition" and a water bottle.

It promised to be idyllic. And it was. Eye opening as well.

I realize that running is my "thing" because to run is to take part in the action that is most me. Forward. Motion.

I am most me when I am moving forward, and struggle the most when that motion is paused.

People all my life have tried to tell me to slow down. Not take on so much. Not get involved. I have listened to them. And I have crashed.

When I am standing still I am vulnerable. I am purposeless. And I am not me.

When I am moving forward, even slowly, I am alive. I dream. I plan. I implement those plans and make things a reality. I have never seen anything as insurmountable when I am taking steps forward. I take on crazy things and make them happen. Plan big events, start my own business, help a friend, learn a new skill, take a trip, whatever. The more on the go the better. It`s how I`m happiest.

Dreaming big, working hard, making things happen, for myself, my family, my community and beyond. Perpetual motion.

I want to change the world, and when I stop trying life just isn`t as rich and fulfilling.

I don`t need to stop and smell the roses, thank you very much.

My runs are my reminder that NO MATTER WHAT, I can take another step. On my hardest day, I can move on. No mountain in my path can stop me. I`ll climb it, one difficult, trudging step at a time.

So, just like I refuse to let anything stop me from running, and loving every minute of it, I vowed to myself today, out on that sandy trail, to start making dreams come true. Yes, I`ll be busy. Yes, it will be hard. But my children will have a Mum who is fulfilled and a role model of how to give the best of yourself to the world. They will see that people can balance their own needs with those of others. They will see that dreams can come true.

They`ll see that their Mum changed the world. Starting with her own.

Find Your CORE