"When DOVE Cries"

So, this is going to be unpopular. I don't like the Dove Beauty Campaign video going around the internet right now. Where women are asked to describe themselves, and then people are asked to describe them, and we see that other's perceptions are different than our own, and that we fail to see the good things,etc...insert teary response here. It's a beautiful video - I get it and I get the point...to a point.

Now, don't get me wrong - much of what Dove has done, exposing photo shop truths, featuring absolutely stunning woman of all sizes, shapes, colours and ages, flaws and all, and opening many women's eyes (for the first time) to the possibility that fitting into the "norm" set by the tabloids and fashion industry isn't necessarily the most realistic or attractive way to look. But. And it's a big one. I think they have missed the mark on this one.

We must stop fixating on the outer person, and while it is nice to be told we are beautiful, tall, shapely, have nice eyes, etc,etc, etc.... we are STILL MISSING THE POINT!!! We fail to remember that true self esteem is built from what we do, how we do it, and how that is appreciated by our community. Self esteem derived from pretty compliments and physical comparisons fail to make a lasting impression on us in a positive way.

 Think back to the things you have been accomplished over the years - what do you remember? 

The first time you got the job? The goal you scored at the championship game? Your improved mark in Math after struggling, studying, and working your butt off to improve? The time you helped someone in need? I'm betting you have a huge file of "self esteem builders" like this stored away up in that head of yours. Now weigh the times the people recognized these traits/accomplishments against the time someone told you, "your hair looks nice today" or "those jeans make your bum look great!". Now these are nice temporary fixes to boost us up on a crappy day, but apart from Sean reminding me that he said them, I never think to pull them out when I'm feeling low.

On a related note, I can remember almost EVERY negative thing anyone has EVER said about my appearance, and taken each piece of criticism directly to heart. So why do we file all the bad - and tune out the good? I think it's because we would rather dwell on the negative comments about the things we can't really change, than work on the real things we need to address in our lives.

We convince ourselves that what we are isn't really good enough, and file out the things we hear to the contrary. We take on the weight of achieving perfection, to dull the pain of the truth we all know - perfection is impossible. 

So - I would have preferred to have seen the women in the Dove video have their negative body image rebuked by people who saw WHO and WHAT these women are - not comment on what they look like. We have proof above (and in our own heads) that deeds and actions speak louder than words, even well meaning ones.

So next time you are faced with anyone dealing with body image/self esteem issues: give them a hug. Point out the great things that you love about them best. Remind them that they are worthy.

It may or may not surprise you that I suffered from body image and self esteem issues and related, so badly that not that long ago I could barely work up the courage to walk out the front door. This Sunday will be no different. I will stand in front of my front door and the familiar fluttering of anxiety will hit me. Not because I am scheduled to run a half-marathon, but because I fear what people will think of me. Will I fit in? Am I too big/too small/too anything to be a part of something like this? Even worse, am I not enough? 

I am planning on grabbing my protein carby toast, a banana, and the slew of evidence that I am everything I need and more. I will store away each voice that has ever spoken the truth to me, and listen to their words from every step of the 13.1 miles. I will step out the door and run, even if my spandex run pants DON'T make my bum look good ;)

I will run for all the people who suffer from mental illness, anxiety, depression, panic and eating disorders. I will run for my family and friends, those here and those gone, that they know I will always choose to run towards health - towards them. I will run because I am good enough , and because I am.

Build your house with deeds and words, and leave the physical behind. After all, He who made you is the only one who matters, and He thinks you look perfect - just the way you are.

But They Ain't Got A Thing Of Me. I'm Running Wild I'm Running Free.

This past Sunday morning my alarm went off at 6am. 6 AM! On a Sunday morning that I don't have to work. I dragged my butt out of bed, and threw on some clothes. I think I brushed my teeth and applied deoderant. I know no hair brushing took place.
I was up that early for one reason. To go for a run. For some reason, my intrepid runbuddy and I decided that this was a good idea. A final long slow distance 2 weeks out from our half marathon. But right in the moment, setting out at 7am for a run just didn't seem like the greatest plan.
Actually I am putting a positive light on things. It seemed like an AWFUL idea - like, what were we thinking?  My lack of enthusiasm for the task ahead was compounded when I came downstairs to observe my kids, bundled up in pj's and blankies, curled up on the couch and enjoying ICarly. Surely this was a better use of my time - quality family cuddle time?
I am known for being energetic, but you'll be glad to know that I am human and sometimes lack motivation as much as the next person. It took everything I had to step out that door to meet my runbuddy, plaster a smile on my face and convince my leaden legs that running for several hours was a good plan.
We set out on our run, a crisp, dark, wet morning. It was hard enough to get our legs (and brains) wrapped around the task ahead, but to top it off the route I had chosen was ALL. UPHILL.
We plodded onward, often in silence brought on by the effort of cresting hill after hill.It was hard. And painful. In our chosen state of rungrumps, we didn't notice too much of our surroundings. Then - the icing on the cake. Rain. Cold, dark, pouring rain. About 5 minutes from our turnaround halfway point. Rain.
When we got to the turnaround we stopped for a stretch and strip. Imagine it - two ladies, in the middle of the country, at a crossroads, stretching and stripping off layers of clothing. EPIC (re;crazy!)
So we started back towards home, an unspoken agreement lay between us to make the best of this. I saw that we had two choices: to continue to feel the shackles of a tough run that we had put on ourselves OR to look at the greatness of what we are doing and enjoy it with a heart and mind open to the joy and beauty of being on a quiet country road, first thing in the morning before the human (sane) world wakes up.
We chose wisely.
With rain pouring down on us we lifted up our head and our hearts and plowed on. And we started to notice things:
(a) that the way back - slightly (and sometimes steeply) mostly downhill. Awesome.
(b) the rain stopped, and in it's absence, revealed that its drops were actually cleansing and welcomed
(c) the birds started chirping
(d) as we ran along, we heard a rustle in the bush beside us. Without warning, a huge bird of prey took off about 50ft in front of us. Its huge wings flapped to takeoff, soaring through the sky. We were so close to this magnificence that we could feel the air rustle, and see the beautiful, unique details of the bird's feathers.
Awesome. We were also blessed later in the run, to see another smaller bird of prey, sitting regally in a tree.
(e) foals were frolicking and playing in their field, nipping and rearing and bucking with the joy of life in their steps. Plus the wise old pony that eyed every step of our progress with a look that clearly said , "stupid humans" :)
(f) that we were enjoying ourselves

So there are two great reminders to be found in the tale of two reluctant morning runners:
First: that the hardest steps you take in your fitness journey are ALWAYS the ones you take to get out the door (thanks LH)
Second: that once you make the commitment and go for it - WONDERFUL things do happen.

Find Your CORE!

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, 

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, 

When the funds are low and the debts are high, 

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 

When care is pressing you down a bit, 

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, 

As every one of us sometimes learns, 

And many a failure turns about, 

When he might have won had he stuck it out; 

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- 

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than, 

It seems to a faint and faltering man, 

Often the struggler has given up, 

When he might have captured the victor's cup, 

And he learned too late when the night slipped down, 

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out-- 

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, 

And you never can tell how close you are, 

It may be near when it seems so far, 

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- 

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

"That's What Friends Are For"

friend

 [frend] 

noun

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

3.

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: 

4.

a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.

( initial capital letter  ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends

verb (used with object)

7.

Rare. to befriend.

8.

to add (a person) to one's list of contacts on a social-networking Web site

I love having friends. I love making new friends. Like a crack whore 

hungry for my fix, the comraderie and love shared between two people in

a relationship is something I seek. 

I didn't cultivate long lasting friendships growing up due to my own inability 

to stick out rough patches for fear that they were my fault. Safer to walk

 away than to face failure. Now, though, I admit to seeking out people to befriend,

 interact with and learn from. 

I have not always been a good friend, and still often fall down on the job, but

I have been blessed in my "adulthood" to have friends who love me just the same. 

Sometimes I am not the easiest person to keep in contact with, get together with 

and sometimes I am impossible to be around (yep - I admit it!) But friends make it 

through these waves to the other side.The ones who stop surfing?

 I love the time I had with them, and wish them well and hope we meet again :)

I have people in my life who know who I am, fully and completely, and they like me 

despite this. I pray each night that the people who I befriend know how much I 

appreciate their presence in my life whether I saw them last night, last week, 

last year or last decade.

So it got me thinking about how much happier and whole I am with the peace of 

knowing so many wonderful people, and of course, I wondered if there were health 

benefits to having good friendships!

I loved this blog post: 

http://smartliving365.com/five-big-benefits-from-having-keeping-friends/

So hug your friends, laugh, cry and love this February - after all - it's good for 

your health!

Find your CORE.

This post is dedicated to all those who I plan on rocking on a front porch, or 

sitting on a park bench  with when I'm old and grumpy. 

You say you want a "Resolution"? Well, you know....we all want to change the world.

I hate resolutions. There. I said it. Every year we self flagellate over the things we do wrong. What we don't do enough of, where we fail. "In 2012 I totally sucked at.......",    "I need to get better at...". Regrets, regrets, regrets......failure, failure, failure.  What a great way to start a new year! Wallowing in misery at our own shortcomings! It's no wonder we never achieve these resolutions, we've already told ourselves that we are incapable.
Let's assume some basic things about ourselves:
- we are basically good human beings, capable of kindness, empathy and love
- we try hard to continue to be the above
- we have or are seeking employment or service to continue to contribute in some positive way to our community
- we want to be happy, and we wish this for all people
- we want to live long, healthy lives
Now what is so wrong with that person? They seem pretty fine to me. And I know that lots of great things are performed by that person each and every day.
This year I propose the "Un-Resolution": a promise to yourself to celebrate the things you do well to achieve the goals, lifestyle that you desire.
So, I, Annie Tiffin, resolve to continue doing the following things that I am really good at:
(a) watching movies: I have rediscovered how much I love movies. I love storytelling. And I have worked hard at being able to tune out the rest of the world and actually enjoy the experience again.
(b) snuggling my kitty: Kitty is happy, I am happy. Everybody wins
(c) eating my bananas sideways: yes, I am a non-traditional banana consumer, and proud!
(d) balancing Mummy/Wifey guilt with business demands: it's a thin line, and sometimes it tips badly one way or the other. But I am learning to deal with it and helping my family deal as well. It's a process..but a worthy one.
(e) eating my fruits/veggies: I rock at this!
(f) passion: I have it - for my work, my family, my athletic pursuits, music, reading, my friendships. If I love something, I am never less than passionate about it, and am going to keep the flame alive!
(g) telling my "people" that I love them, and showing it too: If I love you, you know it!!And I want there never to be any doubt.
(h) Doing the right thing, before doing the easy or more profitable thing. I have had some tough decisions to make in the last year, but I always err on the human side of things, and try to do the right thing. It hurts sometimes, but I really do believe that it's never the wrong decision to put people over profit.
(i) Breaking out in random song: anywhere, anytime. Not a favourite with my family and friends, but I feel like it's an important part of me! Besides, I actually never know when I'm doing it, I just know I have no intention of curbing it!
(j) identifying stress/anxiety and coping healthily: something I have been getting better at. Breathing, exercise, social time...or simply asking someone I love for a hug or some time together. I am learning to ask for help when I need it, and to take quiet time for myself when needed.
(k) kissing my handsome husband. Often. It's good for my soul.

I am quite happy with my list of things I do well and plan to continue in 2013 and beyond. Thing of the things you do well, celebrate them and continue to implement them in your lives! You rock!

I do have a few goals that I hope to achieve in 2013, and they break into 3 categories: Physical, Mental and Social. I do always make goals, because otherwise I get lazy and let things slip by the wayside. Some things do require some motiviation!
Physical: Run a Half-Marathon. Booked for April 22nd. Also to get back on my bike and do the Ride4UnitedWay 160K ride with Sean this summer.
Mental: Continue to educate myself in deep breathing techniques and put them into practise. Also - this summer my goal is to learn how to manage both business and household finances, a process I have avoided like the plague and am woefully ignorant of.
Social: make time for going out, with friends, like an adult.

Cheers to 2013 being full of joy, health and happiness, no matter what your goals, resolutions or un-resolutions!

Happy New Years - Find your CORE!

It's beginning to look a lot like....

Christmas? Where's the snow, the cool winter air nipping at your nose? Although the retail world switched to Christmas 3 months ago, there is little evidence elsewhere that the day is approaching.
It is a confusing time to be a human in the "civilized" world. Turn on the news today and you will be inundated with gun violence, fiscal cliffs,thefts from charities,end of the world prophecies, labour disputes and civil war.  It can become difficult to find sunlight in dark times.
Sometimes the wisest words come from the mouth of babes. This morning my daughter looked up at me and said, "Mummy. Christmas is my favourite day ever!" So I asked her why, waiting for the inevitable answer concerning gifts, toys, treats and more.
"Christmas is the one day that all we have to do is love one another"
Well then. What can we do, to change the bleakest news stories? Individually, not a whole lot. But as a collective, we can take this Christmas to love one another, as Amy says. Be a positive force for hope, human kindness and love in your home, community, workplace and beyond. Show love to those whose lives you touch each day. After all, if a seven year old can embrace the fact that love changes lives, why can't we as adults?

Deck the halls. Trim the trees. Enjoy some holiday treats, (in moderation!) guilt-free. Stuff the bird. Hug your family.  Call your friends. Pray for a better world for our children. Think of those less fortunate. Praise those who serve and protect us, here and abroad. Avoid your mother in law. Love in abundance.

May your days be filled with love - both given and received.  Merry Christmas!!!

"Silver Threads Among the Gold"

I am getting old. Yes, I know - you can pooh-pooh the idea as much as you wish, and say I'm a youngster, still youthful and all that, but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding. I have noticed some new "crinkles", as my lovely daughter calls them, around my eyes. At the doctor, I had to ask about a small lump on my arm (that in my head, I had expanded to the size of a watermelon and was sure it was at the very least radioactive). His verdict? It's just something that comes with getting older. He didn't think it was so funny when I asked him for a prescription for this aging disease. He told me to ask a pharmacist. They can write their own scrips now. Nice.
I wander up and down the aisles at Shopper's Drug Mart like a hungry orphan in a bakery. My mouth waters at the descriptions: "anti-aging",  "age defying", "youthful look" - all subtle euphemisms for: "If you are looking at me you're getting old".
Anti-aging? Does this mean that it stops the aging process, or is merely against aging in general? Hmmmm.....
Spas and salons (of which Brooklin consists, along with fish and chips store, but I digress, although - I do often see lots of older people in the fish and chips stores quite often, so maybe there IS a connection) do not help to demystify the aging conundrum either. Facials, collagen fillers, botox treatments, masks....it sounds painful, and expensive.
I admit that my go-to response to my own aging process is deny,deny,deny. I dye my hair at the first sign of a peeping grey. I pluck unwanted facial hair like a sniper on a secret mission. I buy bras that help me defy gravity, and pants that cover up the dreaded muffin top. I tuck, cover, slather, change, deny, deny, deny.
But really, what's the point? Am I better off because I try to look like I did when I was twenty? Because I know for a fact that I do NOT want to feel, or be the same person I was when I was twenty. So why do I want to look like her?
Fact is, time marches on. I'm happy, crinkles and all. And I know that one day I'll have more wrinkles than not, my hair with give up the fight with the grey revolution and my boobs will resist being stuffed into a tata tamer from Lululemon in favour of a Playtex comfort bra (hey - at least they'll be somewhere north of the equator!), but I am guessing that I'll still be happy. God willing, I'll have my family and friends by my side, most likely pointing out all my new flaws, and I'll love every second of it.
In the meantime? Deny,deny, DENY!!!

Find your CORE!

You don't know you're beautiful. That's what makes you beautiful.

Warning: This blog expresses a bit (alot) of ranting about a subject that may be controversial or upsetting. I write my blog as a forum to inspire people, make them laugh and hopefully help them learn something about the world or themselves. This one's a far cry from my normal lighthearted fare, so read on at your own risk. I'm feeling passionate.
We have failed our young people. Today's "millenium" generation as it is called is easily the most entitled and spoiled group of young adults in the history of man. We have created them a world where all they need to do is think something for it to become a reality. A click of the mouse, a swipe of a credit card..everything is at their fingertips. For the first 10 years of a child's life we teach them to read, write and do arithmetic. The stricter parents among us teach them how to set the table, make their bed and fold their laundry. If we're lucky they learn a few rudimentary social skills, how to make friends, to be kind and not to talk to strangers.
So if we can call the first 10 years the learning years, we can call the second decade of life the decision years. In the pre-teen and teenage years we expect these children to do all of the following and more:
-choose high school classes that will impact the course their university/college/trade
-choose healthy coping mechanisms to deal with difficulties
-choose NOT to bow to pressure to take drugs, drink, have sex, and all other social ills
-choose a career trajectory, college, university etc..
-make positive choices, friends, jobs, social activities.
I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. And I certainly didn't know how to make such overwhelming decisions when I was a teenager. C'mon - I could barely choose which acne treatment to use.
We ask that, with the above mentioned first decade of learning behind them, they make huge decisions in a time when:
-they are RAGING beasts full of hormones, and overdosing in insecurities
-they really know NOTHING of life, and generally have parents who are just in the process of figuring this shit out themselves.
-they are changeling creatures. They start the decade as children, in children's bodies. In the decision decade they grow physically and emotionally from child to adult.
All this PLUS the fact that this current generation gets handed the whole world...literally...via the internet. Where our teen years had their own horrific angst, ours at least was contained to our community, schools, families. Today - there are no strangers and no boundaries - and no end to the choices a "connected" teenager has to make each day.
In September a 15 year old girl posted a silent video, using flash cards, a black and white chronicle of pain and suffering. A story of abuse, mental illness and pain. Amanda Todd's story is by now known to all Canadians, and we MUST mark this tragedy. A young girl, obviously searching for love and acceptance, her innocence stolen, her self esteem pummeled, her reputation in ruins. I will not spend any time talking about her predators (I refuse to use the word bully, because sexual predator, pedophile, criminal, suits so much more) except to say that they too are suffering from teenagehood, and have chosen, wrongly, to boost themselves up by dragging others down.
Yes, I believe we have failed our teenagers. We look at them with disdain, we cross to the other side of the road when we see a group of them, we fear them. I believe that this is because we still remember the pain of our own torturous years as teenagers. We know the confusion. We still feel the growing pains. We don't want to look them in the eyes, just in case we see something of ourselves mirrored there. We definitely don't want a reminder that part of us may still dwell there.
Teenagers are blank slates, morphing into the adults they will become, searching for confirmation they are on the right path, looking to us to see if they are doing okay. They are looking to be good enough, and we, as a society, look the other way, or sneer back at them, telling them that clearly, they are not.
Amanda Todd has caught public attention like few of the 100's of Canadian teens who commit suicide, and 1000's who attempt, or cut, or suffer from mental/emotional health issues. I believe that this is because she, like few others, actually reached out to us all. We, who can drive YouTube views on videos of a dog sleeping, a dancing parrot or a cuddly kitten to go viral in less than 24 hrs, we missed a plea for help so desperate that words couldn't articulate the pain. Amanda no longer had a voice.
It takes a village to raise a child. From birth to death, we all are still growing up. And those of us with the good fortune to make it to adulthood must behave as we want our next generation to do. With compassion, with humanity and with love. Every child is the collective responsibility of us all, and they deserve to have us all on their side.
So next time you walk past a teenager, or a gaggle of them, catch their eyes, smile, take a chance to engage in conversation if it is appropriate. But most of all, remember that when they look at you they are seeing themselves reflected back in your eyes. Show them that you believe they are worthy, that you see them,and that you know they matter.
Your smile might be the last piece of hope that saves a life.